You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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