I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize