fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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