My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize