Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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