Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
