If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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