Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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