My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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