no, he came in my armpit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
