i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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