I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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