No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
