we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
