my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
