I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
someone owes me an orgasm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
