Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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