Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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