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Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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