i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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