You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
