I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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