i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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