the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
