It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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