i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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