just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
