these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
