those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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