he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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