I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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