dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
