No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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