wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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