nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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