i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
