These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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