And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
