On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize