the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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