If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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