literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
