You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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