And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
