I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
