If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
