The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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