i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
