What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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