I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
