Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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