can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
