I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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