Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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