i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
