I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
