Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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