i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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