you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
