i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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