Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
