I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
