Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
