Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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