He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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