Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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