I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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