I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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