Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
