I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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