have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
