Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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