sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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