Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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