I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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