I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
