I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
