she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
