Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
